SO WHAT IS IT? Positivity? Insensitivity?


not me

I went through a lot recently. A lot of changes in my life. Roller coaster feelings.

I am ok, though. Or else I will be. Thanks for asking.

See what just happened?

  • In my very core is a strong belief that things will turn out ok. That I will face whatever needs to be faced and get out of it bigger, stronger. I don’t think I deny the problems I am facing. I am certainly not avoiding the pain that goes along with it.
  • Also from the outside, I make it sounds like I am untouched. Strong.  

And what are the core mechanisms at play?

  • Compartmentalizing: I think I am pretty good at separating different aspects of my life. Problems at work won’t affect too much my relationship. Or the stress of moving to another country won’t prevent me to be social and meet new people. It helps me a lot as I can still enjoy things happening in my professional life even if some crap is going in my personal one. And vice versa. Or it helps even more when all goes to hell in different parts of my life. These are separated small to mid-size fires. No inferno. 
  • Positive mindset: According to Strength Finder, one of my five top themes is Positivity:

People who are especially talented in the Positivity theme have an enthusiasm that is contagious. They are upbeat and can get others excited about what they are going to do.

  • High extraversion, low neuroticism: or at least that how I scored on two of the five broad personality domains of the Five-Factor Model. The way I understand it, high extraversion means a great responsiveness to positive emotions. Low neuroticism is a lesser tendency to experience negative feelings. So I guess there is that, too. I guess I am less affected by unpleasant events than other. But like every one I have my limits. Which leads me to:
  • Psychological resilience: This is an interesting one because I have plenty of example of resilience ‘to cope against adversity’ but almost none about coping against stress (which according to wiki goes together as far as psychological resilience goes).
  • Insensitivity: With everything being relative, I surely know they are people more sensitive than me. But I also think that I am  a very sensitive person.  I react strongly to events happening not only to myself but also to others. You might say this contradict at least partly my claim of having low neuroticism. I mean to say that I feel the pain. I feel the sadness. I feel the anguish. And the not-knowing feeling. BUT/AND I admit it takes more of it than for other people before I collapse. I did collapse last year and this year. It was pretty bad. I think other would have collapse before me. Does that mean that I am insensitive? I don’t think so.


I read this article. It is more about how to heal the pain then on how the pain express itself or not in one’s person. But still very relevant. I hope you take something from it.


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