Complaining does not work as a strategy. We all have finite time and energy. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals. And it won’t make us happier. ~Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture
You are going through a rough path. Or your boss gave you a hard time.
So OF COURSE you are going to talk about it! You probably won’t sugar it either. After all you are just reporting the facts on what happened to you and the way your reacted to it.
And also that’s what friends are here for? Right? To listen to your problem. Empathize. Support and sometimes help you.
BEWARE OF THE COMPLAINING TRAP.
Here is some of the principles I try to follow when it comes to complaining:
To be honest I am far from good in following these principles and I slip many times. But I think I have developed quite a high awareness about it and this also led me to acknowledge the positive attitude in other or as the quote says so beautifully, to not forget:
“It is easy to be heavy; hard to be light.” – G.K. Chesterton
If you have ever tried to stop complaining or at least to reduce it, you know how hard that can be!
So if you are lucky enough to have people around you, who – no matter what – know how to look at the bright side of life and with whom you feel happy, appreciate it fully.
And don’t be shy: tell them how awesome their attitude is and what for a positive impact they have on you.
One of my dear friends showed the biggest strength while going through her divorce. I never heard any complains from her and through her positive attitude she managed to adjust to her new situation incredibly quickly. She just started a new job at 43. As she met new colleagues, including women who went through a divorce themselves, she was stuck by their bitterness but also hurt when they reflected back to her:
If only that was as easy for me as for you!
Let me repeat to you:
Not complaining and not feeling sorry for yourself isn’t easy. It’s the hardest thing.
So when you meet someone like my friend, don’t use them to complain even more. Don’t try to spoil their own happiness because you feel yourself insecure or envious of them.
On the contrary: acknowledge their strength and try to follow them on the path of action and recovery.
Do you feel that you often fall in the complaining trap?
To which point do you think it is healthy to complain?
And what is in your opinion the difference between complaining and expressing your true feelings (by opposition to repressing them as this also is not something I would ever recommend to do)?
Or maybe you want to use this comment space to write a tribute about some of your friends with an extraordinary attitude or strength!
Just, please, don’t be shy!Photo by Raymond Brown
‘Emotions, in my experience, aren’t covered by single words. I don’t believe in “sadness,” “joy,” or “regret.” Maybe the best proof that the language is patriarchal is that it oversimplifies feeling. I’d like to have at my disposal complicated hybrid emotions, Germanic train-car constructions like, say, “the happiness that attends disaster.” Or: “the disappointment of sleeping with one’s fantasy.” I’d like to show how “intimations of mortality brought on by aging family members” connects with “the hatred of mirrors that begins in middle age.” I’d like to have a word for “the sadness inspired by failing restaurants” as well as for “the excitement of getting a room with a minibar.” I’ve never had the right words to describe my life, and now that I’ve entered my story, I need them more than ever.’ ―Jeffrey Eugenides
I went through a lot recently. A lot of changes in my life. Roller coaster feelings.
I am ok, though. Or else I will be. Thanks for asking.
See what just happened?
And what are the core mechanisms at play?
People who are especially talented in the Positivity theme have an enthusiasm that is contagious. They are upbeat and can get others excited about what they are going to do.
I read this article. It is more about how to heal the pain then on how the pain express itself or not in one’s person. But still very relevant. I hope you take something from it.
Yesterday I went to a career workshop aimed at women ‘in transition’ professionally. I really had a good time as it was nice to engage in a social activity and meet new people who in this case are in a similar situation than mine. The facilitator did a fantastic job at putting us at ease and to guide the conversation without monopolizing it.
There are two things I will in particular remember:
I want to stay close to my values
I want change
I want flexibility
I want independence
I want connection
I want recognition
I want my life to turn around sharing/connection and love ❤
I want to be someday a ‘job-provider’ or a ‘help-provider’—> before that I want a good enough job.
(listening to: Herman Düne – Giants)